On Self-teasing

One more week. We’re hoping that’s what I have left, is one more week in this bandaging that makes me look as though I have elephantiasis of the big toe.

And so, as I most likely won’t be comfortable in my hiking shoes immediately upon removing the stitches, we decided to look for some shoes with a little more wiggle room.

I went into the store; my bandages, clunky shoe and knee walker all out there to see. I had been zipping around the shoe department for a few minutes when I was approached by a salesman and was asked if there was anything he could help me find.

I didn’t hesitate. I decided to have some fun. I whipped my foot around in front of him and said “I’m looking for a nice shoe that would fit this, but can’t seem to find anything!”

The kid looked at me, bewildered and said “Uhhhhhh”…

I pedaled off, giggling.

Later on, George and I thought of things I could start saying to people in response to my most commonly asked question of the week:

“What happened to you?!”

Some responses we came up with were:
•The one time I tried kicking his nuts was the day he opted to wear the iron cup!
•I wanted a magical unicorn hoof but could only afford one.
•DO NOT GO IN THERE!!
•Bear trap
•Would you like to meet my lion?
•I was at the Big Dam Bridge when this HUGE shark came out of nowhere!
•I caught Santa
•Would you like to see my sixth toe? I kept it in a jar!
•I opted for the severance package at work. Shh.. Listen. Make sure you read the fine print before signing, OK?
•DO not go to (insert tattoo parlor here)
•It was only supposed to be a simple body piercing

And

•I volunteered to portray Jesus at church. They made a big mistake.

We are both still awake. We may think of more, yet.

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About gespurr

Emily was born in Southwestern Louisiana and has moved over 20 times in her life through nine different states. Most of her life was spent in the Twin Cities of Minnesota, where she met her husband and had her only child. Both she and her husband are also only children. She graduated from Stillwater (MN) High School in 1992 and from the University of Wisconsin in 1997 with a BS in Journalism. Three years later, she met her husband, George, and they married in 2002. Their daughter, Kathryn, was born early in 2004. She relocated with her family back to Arkansas in 2005 after being away for 30 years. She currently works as a customer service representative for a wireless company and lives in North Little Rock. When not taking care of her daughter she is either cooking, working, cleaning house, sewing, gardening, knitting, crocheting hiking, traveling or spending time with her husband.

Posted on January 21, 2015, in Epidermolysis Bullosa (EB), Miscellaneous, Shopping, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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